Tuesday, 1 March 2011

A bit of Australian Sarcasm!

My mum found these when she was looking for information on sarcasm for her students and I just had to share:

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian

Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from fellow Aussies.

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it

rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around

watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the

railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of

places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send

me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: And your last slave died of........?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in


A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent

south of Europe.Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the

pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every



in Kings Cross. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here

and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,

which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday

>night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of

youth.Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female >

population is smaller than the male population? (Italy).

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all

year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter/gatherers.

Milk is illegal.

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can

dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All

Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make

good pets.

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I

forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop

out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You

can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you

go out walking.

21. Q: I was in Australia in 1966 on R+R, and I want to contact the

girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

22. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)>

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

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